I'm an idiot.

Today, I had the awesome fortune of being called a bitch and mentally retarded. I take offense to just one of those terms today.

1. I was called a bitch for a good reason, and I take responsibility for it.
2. I was called mentally retarded concerning a situation where my friend in the hospital could wake up and have extensive brain damage to the point of mental retardation.

So I suppose we need to know the situation. Right?

The car Jaleel was driving.

I was trolling Facebook to avoid working on the take-home portion of my biology final when I stumbled upon a photo of the car Jaleel was driving. However, at the time, I had been led to believe that the other boy in the car had been driving and that Jaleel was the passenger. I posted a reply with that boy's name and how the two boys were both responsible for the accident and the consequences. They both made decisions to wear or not to wear a seat belt. They both decided it was okay to let the driver speed to catch up to their friend in the car in front of them.

What I didn't know was that Jaleel had been the driver. The police report says that he was ejected from the driver's seat and that there is no way he could have been the passenger.

Anyway, after they set the record straight, I apologized to the boy and everyone who had been following the post for saying that, explaining the misunderstanding and where it had come from.

The real source of my anger lies in the fact that people were writing comments about how no one is to blame and that it was a mistake, a freak accident. It absolutely was NOT a freak accident. Both both made conscious decisions to wear and not to wear seatbelts. One did and the other didn't. The driver, Jaleel, who didn't wear a seat belt, was ejected through the front windshield and is in a coma. The passenger was wearing a seat belt and walked away from the hospital with bruises, scrapes, and a concussion. Jaleel was the driver and was responsible for both of their lives. The passenger should have insisted on Jaleel's seat belt being worn and that he should not speed. Jaleel put both their lives in danger, and now, he's paying the ultimate price for it.

A lot of these words are hypothetical. It's all circumstantial. I honestly know in my heart that no car rolls three times because they were driving the speed limit (35), even if something darts in front of your car and surprises you. You can swerve and miss it (or even hit it) and still just end up doing a donut or flip your car or in the dutch. You wouldn't be rolling 3 times.

Jaleel could be breathing on his own, recovering from a few bruises and the whopping his grandfather would have given him when he found out that Jaleel wrecked a car. He would be present at Christmas dinner, laughing with us and playing video games. He would be having a birthday party on Wednesday with his friends. He would be going fishing over the summer and hunting next fall. He'd graduate from high school and join the air force. He'd get to live out his entire life.

He may never have those opportunities now because he got behind the wheel of a car without wearing a seat belt. He drove that car recklessly and endangered his life and his friend's life.

I am so angry at Jaleel. I am so upset that this happened. I want him to survive and be alive. I want him to live so that I can scare the shit out of him when he wakes up.

Jaleel and I hugging after my wedding ceremony in June.

This was all a sober reminder to me why I make every person in my car wear a seat belt before I start the engine. This is why I choose to not drive more than 5mph over the speed limit, if that, when I'm behind the wheel.

I truly hope that you do, too.

God bless.

Expecting the Unexpected

Tonight, around 11 pm (if I have my facts right), a very close friend of my family was driving his car and got into a rollover accident. They rolled three times according to eyewitness accounts. He had one passenger in the car with him. He was ejected from the car through the front windshield, which makes me think he wasn't wearing a seat belt. They were both taken to the hospital, both sustaining very serious injuries.

From what I know from my family who is at the hospital for him, he was immediately taken into surgery for damage control. He suffered a lot of pancreatic damage. They removed part of his bowel and they inserted a shunt to relieve pressure to his brain. They told my dad that it didn't look good. He definitely suffered some heavy brain damage, but of course, no one will know how bad it is until he wakes up. They said his heart is strong, so he may live through this with some severe injuries to work through.

I just was caught so off guard. It was so late. His grandparents are in South Carolina dealing with one of his great-grandmother's health. They can't get a hold of his grandfather to even let him know what is going on with his grandson. His mother is there at the hospital and can't make any decisions for her son because the grandparents have the power of attorney. There are so many people waiting to see him and make sure that he's okay. My dad and sister are there waiting to see him and to be there for him. They've been talking to the doctors and nurses, trying to get information and be as helpful as possible. My dad has been calling his grand father over and over again. No answer, just voice mail. I'm just glad my sister and parents were contacted so that more people could be there for him.

I can't sleep just thinking about him. I watched him grow up! I met him as a baby. I watched him through some cub scouts, elementary school, junior high, high school... I know that he's made some bad decisions but he is really such a great kid. I have been praying non-stop that he wasn't drinking or smoking something. That he just lost control of his car on the ice, took a turn too fast or just couldn't stop at the light. I just hope he wasn't fighting with the other person in the car. I want it to all literally be a mistake, an accident. I want him to be fine and well. 

He wanted to badly to be in the military, and I worry that his chances to fulfill that dream are gone.

I'm worrying about his grandfather, too. His grandmother has early-onset Alzheimer's. His grandfather does a good job taking care of her. I just can't imagine how he will handle having to take care of her and take care of my friend. I am trying to just hope for the very best for him and for his family. I am hoping that the other person in the car is doing well also.

I'm doing a lot of praying tonight so that I can hopefully hear some good news and get some studying done tomorrow.

EDIT: Please note that at the time the author wrote this post she did not know that the car was not Jaleel's. It was a friend's car.