Where we go from here

This might be the last in the string of posts about my dear "little brother," Jaleel John-Baptiste. Since my last post, we have been to the funeral and wake, spent time with friends, and had a high school memorial and balloon release for him. Instead of writing a long post, I have included photos and video of the past week in case others were unable to attend.

After the funeral.

All of the kids came to the high school to enjoy each other
and Jaleel's music. They were smiling and chatting, writing
down memories of Jaleel on pieces of paper on the stage.
It was so nice to see them enjoying themselves.

Grabbing balloons.

My sister released a balloon for Connor and herself.

One of the girls had this shirt on. I think it's
from the last day of school when all the kids'
wore white for Jaleel.

Walking to the back courtyard to release the balloons.

They were really beautiful to watch.

A lot of people shouted out the different things that they
saw the balloons making in the sky, like a J for Jaleel.

Faintly in the mid-right you can see the two balloons that
Harry and J released for Jaleel. The first two released.

We all lingered for a while watching the balloons hover in the
sky. Before a while, we had to go inside because there were
snowball fights starting.

Cyndi commented that she couldn't look up too
much because it hurt her Asian eyes. The sky
was a very bright blue and the weather was good.

The kids all Tebow'd for Jaleel.

David made a cross for Jaleel to put at the high school. They
will leave it up until they can make a stone of something nice
to sit there as a reminder for the students to live life in honor
of Jaleel and his outstanding memory.

I hope you enjoyed these images. There are more on Jaleel's page. It has been a trying holiday for us this year, and we are, I think, getting back to the happiness and joy of the season. This year more than most, we have been seeing the real spirit of Christmas in each other. Everyone has been so supportive and helpful. The prayers and thoughts were abundant. We have been together almost every day since the beginning of December, and it has really warmed my heart. We have all become very close and made unbelievably kind, new friends.

Without everyone's consistent support, we may not have been able to come out of this with such strong and fond memories. I have been blessed beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I have a husband who loves me and supports me. I have a family who laughs and jokes with me. I have friends who are amazing, even after time catches up with us.

I guess the three most important messages of the season are to wear a seat belt, become a donor, and to have a blessed and Merry Christmas.

The worst is over.

The Lord Almighty grant us a quiet night and peace at the last. It is good to give thanks to the Lord. To sing Praise to Your name oh most high.To herald your love in the morning, your truth at the close of the day.
--Compline


I think that we too often forget the other person when we make posts online. Most of the time, we don't take things to heart. I've learned in the past few hours that some people really take things to heart, straight into the depths of their soul.

Jaleel John-Baptiste passed away around 3 pm today according to my family, all of whom were present. I had my phone off because I was taking a chemistry lecture final. Earlier in the day, around noon, my sister called me and said that he would probably pass in the next few hours and that I could say goodbye if I wanted. So, she took the phone into the room and sat it next to his ear. I really didn't know what to say except that I loved him and missed him, and I told him I was glad that he wasn't suffering or in any pain.


After I was done with that first final, I saw a call from my mom. My sister answered and told me that he passed at 3pm. It was hard for me to keep it together, but I knew I had one final left and that I had to pull through. This was until I received a very nasty message on Facebook from one of Jaleel's friends. It was incredibly hateful, and it sent me into a fit of crying. I didn't know whether to answer him and defend myself or to just cry and forget about it. I copied and sent it to my sister, who read it to my mother. (Note: Do not upset my Korean mother. She will most likely kill you.) It has all be taken care of, and the kid apologized. My sister called and got it all straightened out (after telling everyone that didn't necessarily need to know).


To be honest, I didn't want an apology. I knew he was just upset. He needed someone to lash out on, and I can accept that. I can be the person they want to blame for whatever reason even though I had nothing to do with any of it aside from praying for my friend.


The other hateful words said about me were also taken down, and I unfriended the kid (he had friended me just to send the hate message).


As I called my parents to let them know I did well on my finals, the phone was passed to every person at the house in the room, comforting me and giving ME condolences like Jaleel was my blood, like I needed it more than they did. His grandparents said that they were making sure I wasn't getting hurt or battered for anything I said and that the kid understood that it wasn't right to lash out and say the things he said to me when I had just found out that my friend has passed.


These kids posting and saying that I'm a bitch or mentally retarded, that I don't have the right, that I should take my photos of him down... They don't see it the way I do. They don't understand how I feel or my relationship with him. They don't know and they don't care. It doesn't even matter. 


If i have to be a martyr for those kids, fine. I will be. They can send me all the hate and anger they feel. They can send me nasty glares at the funeral. I don't really care. 


We all deal with things differently, and if they need someone to hate for a while, it may as well be me.


It isn't right, but there isn't much I can do to make it stop or change their minds. They have to do it for themselves on their own time.


After a while when the dust settles, I think that they'll all learn a lesson from Jaleel. I bet that they will each think twice about speeding, about not wearing a seat belt. They'll think twice about a lot of decisions they will have to make, and they'll be all the better for it.


This has been a huge affirmation to me that I should never think twice about wearing that seat belt, even if I'm only driving down the block or just moving my car into another spot. It has even made me think twice about getting angry at slow drivers and those cars that think the whole road is theirs and that everyone has to yield to them.


My hope and wish is that everyone wears a seat belt every time they get into a car.


RIP Jaleel John-Baptiste

I'm an idiot.

Today, I had the awesome fortune of being called a bitch and mentally retarded. I take offense to just one of those terms today.

1. I was called a bitch for a good reason, and I take responsibility for it.
2. I was called mentally retarded concerning a situation where my friend in the hospital could wake up and have extensive brain damage to the point of mental retardation.

So I suppose we need to know the situation. Right?

The car Jaleel was driving.

I was trolling Facebook to avoid working on the take-home portion of my biology final when I stumbled upon a photo of the car Jaleel was driving. However, at the time, I had been led to believe that the other boy in the car had been driving and that Jaleel was the passenger. I posted a reply with that boy's name and how the two boys were both responsible for the accident and the consequences. They both made decisions to wear or not to wear a seat belt. They both decided it was okay to let the driver speed to catch up to their friend in the car in front of them.

What I didn't know was that Jaleel had been the driver. The police report says that he was ejected from the driver's seat and that there is no way he could have been the passenger.

Anyway, after they set the record straight, I apologized to the boy and everyone who had been following the post for saying that, explaining the misunderstanding and where it had come from.

The real source of my anger lies in the fact that people were writing comments about how no one is to blame and that it was a mistake, a freak accident. It absolutely was NOT a freak accident. Both both made conscious decisions to wear and not to wear seatbelts. One did and the other didn't. The driver, Jaleel, who didn't wear a seat belt, was ejected through the front windshield and is in a coma. The passenger was wearing a seat belt and walked away from the hospital with bruises, scrapes, and a concussion. Jaleel was the driver and was responsible for both of their lives. The passenger should have insisted on Jaleel's seat belt being worn and that he should not speed. Jaleel put both their lives in danger, and now, he's paying the ultimate price for it.

A lot of these words are hypothetical. It's all circumstantial. I honestly know in my heart that no car rolls three times because they were driving the speed limit (35), even if something darts in front of your car and surprises you. You can swerve and miss it (or even hit it) and still just end up doing a donut or flip your car or in the dutch. You wouldn't be rolling 3 times.

Jaleel could be breathing on his own, recovering from a few bruises and the whopping his grandfather would have given him when he found out that Jaleel wrecked a car. He would be present at Christmas dinner, laughing with us and playing video games. He would be having a birthday party on Wednesday with his friends. He would be going fishing over the summer and hunting next fall. He'd graduate from high school and join the air force. He'd get to live out his entire life.

He may never have those opportunities now because he got behind the wheel of a car without wearing a seat belt. He drove that car recklessly and endangered his life and his friend's life.

I am so angry at Jaleel. I am so upset that this happened. I want him to survive and be alive. I want him to live so that I can scare the shit out of him when he wakes up.

Jaleel and I hugging after my wedding ceremony in June.

This was all a sober reminder to me why I make every person in my car wear a seat belt before I start the engine. This is why I choose to not drive more than 5mph over the speed limit, if that, when I'm behind the wheel.

I truly hope that you do, too.

God bless.

Rick Perry: NEVER Going To Be President

I'm sure a lot of you have seen the Rick Perry campaign ad that called out President Obama for "making war with religion." From what I have seen on youtube, Twitter, and Facebook, a lot of people agree that he went too far with his ad. If you haven't seen the ad, watch it now.



I have been thinking a lot about this ad since seeing it. In fact, I think more about it because I didn't bother watching it until I saw that almost half of my Facebook friends had seen it, re-posted it, and written a comment about how terrible Rick Perry and his ad are. In fact, this ad may be the end of Perry's campaign because of how unpopular this ad has made him. So unpopular that news agencies released stories today about this video surpassing the "Friday" video by Rebecca Black. In fact, this really isn't the first time he has contended with Obama about religion in the United States. Here are some headlines:

• Rick Perry complains about gays serving in military
• Rick Perry launches attack on Barack Obama over gay rights and religion
• US Election 2012: Rick Perry attacks Barack Obama's attempts to boost gay rights
• Log Cabin Republicans rip Rick Perry ad
• Rick Perry Says Human Rights for Gays 'Not in America's Interests'
• Rick Perry's 'Strong' Campaign Ad Gets the Web Angry -- and Laughing
• Why Rick Perry's New Ads Are Wrong on Religion - And Obama
• Rick Perry's 'Strong' Ad Surpasses Rebecca Black's 'Friday' With More Dislikes On YouTube (Videos) [Update]

I know, now you've got to do all this reading! What I wanted to get out there is that I don't agree with Rick Perry, and I don't think he'll become president. Let's start with not agreeing.

While gay rights may not be on everyone's radar (surprisingly), it is a huge issue to consider during this 2012 Presidential Election. There is no way a candidate can survive this election without making at least one statement about gay rights or gay marriage at some point. If it doesn't come up along the campaign trail, it will certainly come up during the presidential debates. After the enormous popularity (or should I say unpopularity) of his 'Strong' campaign ad, I'd say he may have said the wrong thing. To me, it has nothing to do with the fact that he doesn't gay marriage or that he doesn't see fighting for gay rights as a priority for the US. My problem comes from the fact that he uses this ad, in a way, to brush gay rights under the rug, dismissing it as if it were never a real problem.

This is why I don't think Rick Perry will be our next president. The issue here is not religion in schools or in the workplace or anywhere. The issue here is gay marriage and gay rights. I think that President Obama did a great thing in working so hard on repealing DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell). I think that he's been a huge help to many states lobbying for gay marriage. With America where it is today, I don't think that someone with such a negative opinion of gay rights will become president. Forget about Occupy protesters. We'll have a bigger problem on our hands.

I think that the candidate who can express their opinions without belittling entire populations of voters that vote will end up winning. The reality is that, in the last election, Obama got a country filled with young people to vote. These young voters are still voting, and they will definitely vote in this next election. The winner of the next election, I think, will be the person who can persuade the young people that their position is right. That they can lead this country with an open mind to the problems that Americans face. Gay marriage is definitely one of these issues that the next president will have to continue to address.

Again, I don't think Rick Perry's blatant anti-gay rights platform will win over the hearts of younger voters.

Updates on a friend, Jaleel

In case anyone knew him or was praying, keep praying! Jaleel, my friend who was in a rollover accident, is doing much better. He still has not woken up yet. His body is under a lot of stress. The doctors have been giving him good grades on his post-surgery recovery. He still has a lot of bruising on his body, and his brain is still swollen.

The real story has come out. Jaleel wasn't wearing a seat belt in the passenger seat. The boy who was driving was going 70 in a 35.... He was driving with a permit. He did wear his seat belt. This is why he left the hospital with a concussion and some bruises and scrapes. Not wearing a seat belt is why Jaleel is in the condition he is in. A seat belt could have saved him from his surgeries, from recovery, from brain damage.

We don't know what, if anything, will be a long-term challenge for him until he wakes up and starts to move around. I'm sure it will involve some physical therapy. Until a few days ago, they had no idea what was broken in his body because he wasn't stable enough to be given an x-ray!

If you knew him or have any questions or would like to make a donation to his family to help support his medical costs, please visit http://lovejaleel.webs.com or the Get Well Soon Jaleel page on Facebook. Your thoughts and prayers are welcome!

UPDATE: It came to my attention that I had been misinformed. Jaleel had been the driver, not his friend.

Expecting the Unexpected

Tonight, around 11 pm (if I have my facts right), a very close friend of my family was driving his car and got into a rollover accident. They rolled three times according to eyewitness accounts. He had one passenger in the car with him. He was ejected from the car through the front windshield, which makes me think he wasn't wearing a seat belt. They were both taken to the hospital, both sustaining very serious injuries.

From what I know from my family who is at the hospital for him, he was immediately taken into surgery for damage control. He suffered a lot of pancreatic damage. They removed part of his bowel and they inserted a shunt to relieve pressure to his brain. They told my dad that it didn't look good. He definitely suffered some heavy brain damage, but of course, no one will know how bad it is until he wakes up. They said his heart is strong, so he may live through this with some severe injuries to work through.

I just was caught so off guard. It was so late. His grandparents are in South Carolina dealing with one of his great-grandmother's health. They can't get a hold of his grandfather to even let him know what is going on with his grandson. His mother is there at the hospital and can't make any decisions for her son because the grandparents have the power of attorney. There are so many people waiting to see him and make sure that he's okay. My dad and sister are there waiting to see him and to be there for him. They've been talking to the doctors and nurses, trying to get information and be as helpful as possible. My dad has been calling his grand father over and over again. No answer, just voice mail. I'm just glad my sister and parents were contacted so that more people could be there for him.

I can't sleep just thinking about him. I watched him grow up! I met him as a baby. I watched him through some cub scouts, elementary school, junior high, high school... I know that he's made some bad decisions but he is really such a great kid. I have been praying non-stop that he wasn't drinking or smoking something. That he just lost control of his car on the ice, took a turn too fast or just couldn't stop at the light. I just hope he wasn't fighting with the other person in the car. I want it to all literally be a mistake, an accident. I want him to be fine and well. 

He wanted to badly to be in the military, and I worry that his chances to fulfill that dream are gone.

I'm worrying about his grandfather, too. His grandmother has early-onset Alzheimer's. His grandfather does a good job taking care of her. I just can't imagine how he will handle having to take care of her and take care of my friend. I am trying to just hope for the very best for him and for his family. I am hoping that the other person in the car is doing well also.

I'm doing a lot of praying tonight so that I can hopefully hear some good news and get some studying done tomorrow.

EDIT: Please note that at the time the author wrote this post she did not know that the car was not Jaleel's. It was a friend's car.