The worst is over.

The Lord Almighty grant us a quiet night and peace at the last. It is good to give thanks to the Lord. To sing Praise to Your name oh most high.To herald your love in the morning, your truth at the close of the day.
--Compline


I think that we too often forget the other person when we make posts online. Most of the time, we don't take things to heart. I've learned in the past few hours that some people really take things to heart, straight into the depths of their soul.

Jaleel John-Baptiste passed away around 3 pm today according to my family, all of whom were present. I had my phone off because I was taking a chemistry lecture final. Earlier in the day, around noon, my sister called me and said that he would probably pass in the next few hours and that I could say goodbye if I wanted. So, she took the phone into the room and sat it next to his ear. I really didn't know what to say except that I loved him and missed him, and I told him I was glad that he wasn't suffering or in any pain.


After I was done with that first final, I saw a call from my mom. My sister answered and told me that he passed at 3pm. It was hard for me to keep it together, but I knew I had one final left and that I had to pull through. This was until I received a very nasty message on Facebook from one of Jaleel's friends. It was incredibly hateful, and it sent me into a fit of crying. I didn't know whether to answer him and defend myself or to just cry and forget about it. I copied and sent it to my sister, who read it to my mother. (Note: Do not upset my Korean mother. She will most likely kill you.) It has all be taken care of, and the kid apologized. My sister called and got it all straightened out (after telling everyone that didn't necessarily need to know).


To be honest, I didn't want an apology. I knew he was just upset. He needed someone to lash out on, and I can accept that. I can be the person they want to blame for whatever reason even though I had nothing to do with any of it aside from praying for my friend.


The other hateful words said about me were also taken down, and I unfriended the kid (he had friended me just to send the hate message).


As I called my parents to let them know I did well on my finals, the phone was passed to every person at the house in the room, comforting me and giving ME condolences like Jaleel was my blood, like I needed it more than they did. His grandparents said that they were making sure I wasn't getting hurt or battered for anything I said and that the kid understood that it wasn't right to lash out and say the things he said to me when I had just found out that my friend has passed.


These kids posting and saying that I'm a bitch or mentally retarded, that I don't have the right, that I should take my photos of him down... They don't see it the way I do. They don't understand how I feel or my relationship with him. They don't know and they don't care. It doesn't even matter. 


If i have to be a martyr for those kids, fine. I will be. They can send me all the hate and anger they feel. They can send me nasty glares at the funeral. I don't really care. 


We all deal with things differently, and if they need someone to hate for a while, it may as well be me.


It isn't right, but there isn't much I can do to make it stop or change their minds. They have to do it for themselves on their own time.


After a while when the dust settles, I think that they'll all learn a lesson from Jaleel. I bet that they will each think twice about speeding, about not wearing a seat belt. They'll think twice about a lot of decisions they will have to make, and they'll be all the better for it.


This has been a huge affirmation to me that I should never think twice about wearing that seat belt, even if I'm only driving down the block or just moving my car into another spot. It has even made me think twice about getting angry at slow drivers and those cars that think the whole road is theirs and that everyone has to yield to them.


My hope and wish is that everyone wears a seat belt every time they get into a car.


RIP Jaleel John-Baptiste

I'm an idiot.

Today, I had the awesome fortune of being called a bitch and mentally retarded. I take offense to just one of those terms today.

1. I was called a bitch for a good reason, and I take responsibility for it.
2. I was called mentally retarded concerning a situation where my friend in the hospital could wake up and have extensive brain damage to the point of mental retardation.

So I suppose we need to know the situation. Right?

The car Jaleel was driving.

I was trolling Facebook to avoid working on the take-home portion of my biology final when I stumbled upon a photo of the car Jaleel was driving. However, at the time, I had been led to believe that the other boy in the car had been driving and that Jaleel was the passenger. I posted a reply with that boy's name and how the two boys were both responsible for the accident and the consequences. They both made decisions to wear or not to wear a seat belt. They both decided it was okay to let the driver speed to catch up to their friend in the car in front of them.

What I didn't know was that Jaleel had been the driver. The police report says that he was ejected from the driver's seat and that there is no way he could have been the passenger.

Anyway, after they set the record straight, I apologized to the boy and everyone who had been following the post for saying that, explaining the misunderstanding and where it had come from.

The real source of my anger lies in the fact that people were writing comments about how no one is to blame and that it was a mistake, a freak accident. It absolutely was NOT a freak accident. Both both made conscious decisions to wear and not to wear seatbelts. One did and the other didn't. The driver, Jaleel, who didn't wear a seat belt, was ejected through the front windshield and is in a coma. The passenger was wearing a seat belt and walked away from the hospital with bruises, scrapes, and a concussion. Jaleel was the driver and was responsible for both of their lives. The passenger should have insisted on Jaleel's seat belt being worn and that he should not speed. Jaleel put both their lives in danger, and now, he's paying the ultimate price for it.

A lot of these words are hypothetical. It's all circumstantial. I honestly know in my heart that no car rolls three times because they were driving the speed limit (35), even if something darts in front of your car and surprises you. You can swerve and miss it (or even hit it) and still just end up doing a donut or flip your car or in the dutch. You wouldn't be rolling 3 times.

Jaleel could be breathing on his own, recovering from a few bruises and the whopping his grandfather would have given him when he found out that Jaleel wrecked a car. He would be present at Christmas dinner, laughing with us and playing video games. He would be having a birthday party on Wednesday with his friends. He would be going fishing over the summer and hunting next fall. He'd graduate from high school and join the air force. He'd get to live out his entire life.

He may never have those opportunities now because he got behind the wheel of a car without wearing a seat belt. He drove that car recklessly and endangered his life and his friend's life.

I am so angry at Jaleel. I am so upset that this happened. I want him to survive and be alive. I want him to live so that I can scare the shit out of him when he wakes up.

Jaleel and I hugging after my wedding ceremony in June.

This was all a sober reminder to me why I make every person in my car wear a seat belt before I start the engine. This is why I choose to not drive more than 5mph over the speed limit, if that, when I'm behind the wheel.

I truly hope that you do, too.

God bless.

Updates on a friend, Jaleel

In case anyone knew him or was praying, keep praying! Jaleel, my friend who was in a rollover accident, is doing much better. He still has not woken up yet. His body is under a lot of stress. The doctors have been giving him good grades on his post-surgery recovery. He still has a lot of bruising on his body, and his brain is still swollen.

The real story has come out. Jaleel wasn't wearing a seat belt in the passenger seat. The boy who was driving was going 70 in a 35.... He was driving with a permit. He did wear his seat belt. This is why he left the hospital with a concussion and some bruises and scrapes. Not wearing a seat belt is why Jaleel is in the condition he is in. A seat belt could have saved him from his surgeries, from recovery, from brain damage.

We don't know what, if anything, will be a long-term challenge for him until he wakes up and starts to move around. I'm sure it will involve some physical therapy. Until a few days ago, they had no idea what was broken in his body because he wasn't stable enough to be given an x-ray!

If you knew him or have any questions or would like to make a donation to his family to help support his medical costs, please visit http://lovejaleel.webs.com or the Get Well Soon Jaleel page on Facebook. Your thoughts and prayers are welcome!

UPDATE: It came to my attention that I had been misinformed. Jaleel had been the driver, not his friend.