Saturday, December 24, 2011

Where we go from here

This might be the last in the string of posts about my dear "little brother," Jaleel John-Baptiste. Since my last post, we have been to the funeral and wake, spent time with friends, and had a high school memorial and balloon release for him. Instead of writing a long post, I have included photos and video of the past week in case others were unable to attend.

After the funeral.







All of the kids came to the high school to enjoy each other
and Jaleel's music. They were smiling and chatting, writing
down memories of Jaleel on pieces of paper on the stage.
It was so nice to see them enjoying themselves.



Grabbing balloons.




My sister released a balloon for Connor and herself.

One of the girls had this shirt on. I think it's
from the last day of school when all the kids'
wore white for Jaleel.

Walking to the back courtyard to release the balloons.


They were really beautiful to watch.

A lot of people shouted out the different things that they
saw the balloons making in the sky, like a J for Jaleel.

Faintly in the mid-right you can see the two balloons that
Harry and J released for Jaleel. The first two released.

We all lingered for a while watching the balloons hover in the
sky. Before a while, we had to go inside because there were
snowball fights starting.

Cyndi commented that she couldn't look up too
much because it hurt her Asian eyes. The sky
was a very bright blue and the weather was good.
The kids all Tebow'd for Jaleel.

David made a cross for Jaleel to put at the high school. They
will leave it up until they can make a stone of something nice
to sit there as a reminder for the students to live life in honor
of Jaleel and his outstanding memory.

I hope you enjoyed these images. There are more on Jaleel's page. It has been a trying holiday for us this year, and we are, I think, getting back to the happiness and joy of the season. This year more than most, we have been seeing the real spirit of Christmas in each other. Everyone has been so supportive and helpful. The prayers and thoughts were abundant. We have been together almost every day since the beginning of December, and it has really warmed my heart. We have all become very close and made unbelievably kind, new friends.

Without everyone's consistent support, we may not have been able to come out of this with such strong and fond memories. I have been blessed beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I have a husband who loves me and supports me. I have a family who laughs and jokes with me. I have friends who are amazing, even after time catches up with us.

I guess the three most important messages of the season are to wear a seat belt, become a donor, and to have a blessed and Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The worst is over.

The Lord Almighty grant us a quiet night and peace at the last. It is good to give thanks to the Lord. To sing Praise to Your name oh most high.To herald your love in the morning, your truth at the close of the day.
--Compline


I think that we too often forget the other person when we make posts online. Most of the time, we don't take things to heart. I've learned in the past few hours that some people really take things to heart, straight into the depths of their soul.

Jaleel John-Baptiste passed away around 3 pm today according to my family, all of whom were present. I had my phone off because I was taking a chemistry lecture final. Earlier in the day, around noon, my sister called me and said that he would probably pass in the next few hours and that I could say goodbye if I wanted. So, she took the phone into the room and sat it next to his ear. I really didn't know what to say except that I loved him and missed him, and I told him I was glad that he wasn't suffering or in any pain.


After I was done with that first final, I saw a call from my mom. My sister answered and told me that he passed at 3pm. It was hard for me to keep it together, but I knew I had one final left and that I had to pull through. This was until I received a very nasty message on Facebook from one of Jaleel's friends. It was incredibly hateful, and it sent me into a fit of crying. I didn't know whether to answer him and defend myself or to just cry and forget about it. I copied and sent it to my sister, who read it to my mother. (Note: Do not upset my Korean mother. She will most likely kill you.) It has all be taken care of, and the kid apologized. My sister called and got it all straightened out (after telling everyone that didn't necessarily need to know).


To be honest, I didn't want an apology. I knew he was just upset. He needed someone to lash out on, and I can accept that. I can be the person they want to blame for whatever reason even though I had nothing to do with any of it aside from praying for my friend.


The other hateful words said about me were also taken down, and I unfriended the kid (he had friended me just to send the hate message).


As I called my parents to let them know I did well on my finals, the phone was passed to every person at the house in the room, comforting me and giving ME condolences like Jaleel was my blood, like I needed it more than they did. His grandparents said that they were making sure I wasn't getting hurt or battered for anything I said and that the kid understood that it wasn't right to lash out and say the things he said to me when I had just found out that my friend has passed.


These kids posting and saying that I'm a bitch or mentally retarded, that I don't have the right, that I should take my photos of him down... They don't see it the way I do. They don't understand how I feel or my relationship with him. They don't know and they don't care. It doesn't even matter. 


If i have to be a martyr for those kids, fine. I will be. They can send me all the hate and anger they feel. They can send me nasty glares at the funeral. I don't really care. 


We all deal with things differently, and if they need someone to hate for a while, it may as well be me.


It isn't right, but there isn't much I can do to make it stop or change their minds. They have to do it for themselves on their own time.


After a while when the dust settles, I think that they'll all learn a lesson from Jaleel. I bet that they will each think twice about speeding, about not wearing a seat belt. They'll think twice about a lot of decisions they will have to make, and they'll be all the better for it.


This has been a huge affirmation to me that I should never think twice about wearing that seat belt, even if I'm only driving down the block or just moving my car into another spot. It has even made me think twice about getting angry at slow drivers and those cars that think the whole road is theirs and that everyone has to yield to them.


My hope and wish is that everyone wears a seat belt every time they get into a car.


RIP Jaleel John-Baptiste

Monday, December 12, 2011

I'm an idiot.

Today, I had the awesome fortune of being called a bitch and mentally retarded. I take offense to just one of those terms today.

  1. I was called a bitch for a good reason, and I take responsibility for it.
  2. I was called mentally retarded concerning a situation where my friend in the hospital could wake up and have extensive brain damage to the point of mental retardation.
So I suppose we need to know the situation. Right?

The car Jaleel was driving.
I was trolling Facebook to avoid working on the take-home portion of my biology final when I stumbled upon a photo of the car Jaleel was driving. However, at the time, I had been led to believe that the other boy in the car had been driving and that Jaleel was the passenger. I posted a reply with that boy's name and how the two boys were both responsible for the accident and the consequences. They both made decisions to wear or not to wear a seat belt. They both decided it was okay to let the driver speed to catch up to their friend in the car in front of them.

What I didn't know was that Jaleel had been the driver. The police report says that he was ejected from the driver's seat and that there is no way he could have been the passenger.

Anyway, after they set the record straight, I apologized to the boy and everyone who had been following the post for saying that, explaining the misunderstanding and where it had come from.

The real source of my anger lies in the fact that people were writing comments about how no one is to blame and that it was a mistake, a freak accident. It absolutely was NOT a freak accident. Both both made conscious decisions to wear and not to wear seatbelts. One did and the other didn't. The driver, Jaleel, who didn't wear a seat belt, was ejected through the front windshield and is in a coma. The passenger was wearing a seat belt and walked away from the hospital with bruises, scrapes, and a concussion. Jaleel was the driver and was responsible for both of their lives. The passenger should have insisted on Jaleel's seat belt being worn and that he should not speed. Jaleel put both their lives in danger, and now, he's paying the ultimate price for it.

A lot of these words are hypothetical. It's all circumstantial. I honestly know in my heart that no car rolls three times because they were driving the speed limit (35), even if something darts in front of your car and surprises you. You can swerve and miss it (or even hit it) and still just end up doing a donut or flip your car or in the dutch. You wouldn't be rolling 3 times.

Jaleel could be breathing on his own, recovering from a few bruises and the whopping his grandfather would have given him when he found out that Jaleel wrecked a car. He would be present at Christmas dinner, laughing with us and playing video games. He would be having a birthday party on Wednesday with his friends. He would be going fishing over the summer and hunting next fall. He'd graduate from high school and join the air force. He'd get to live out his entire life.

He may never have those opportunities now because he got behind the wheel of a car without wearing a seat belt. He drove that car recklessly and endangered his life and his friend's life.

I am so angry at Jaleel. I am so upset that this happened. I want him to survive and be alive. I want him to live so that I can scare the shit out of him when he wakes up.
Jaleel and I hugging after my wedding ceremony in June.
This was all a sober reminder to me why I make every person in my car wear a seat belt before I start the engine. This is why I choose to not drive more than 5mph over the speed limit, if that, when I'm behind the wheel.

I truly hope that you do, too.

God bless.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Rick Perry: NEVER Going To Be President

I'm sure a lot of you have seen the Rick Perry campaign ad that called out President Obama for "making war with religion." From what I have seen on youtube, Twitter, and Facebook, a lot of people agree that he went too far with his ad. If you haven't seen the ad, watch it now.



I have been thinking a lot about this ad since seeing it. In fact, I think more about it because I didn't bother watching it until I saw that almost half of my Facebook friends had seen it, re-posted it, and written a comment about how terrible Rick Perry and his ad are. In fact, this ad may be the end of Perry's campaign because of how unpopular this ad has made him. So unpopular that news agencies released stories today about this video surpassing the "Friday" video by Rebecca Black. In fact, this really isn't the first time he has contended with Obama about religion in the United States. Here are some headlines:
I know, now you've got to do all this reading! What I wanted to get out there is that I don't agree with Rick Perry, and I don't think he'll become president. Let's start with not agreeing.

While gay rights may not be on everyone's radar (surprisingly), it is a huge issue to consider during this 2012 Presidential Election. There is no way a candidate can survive this election without making at least one statement about gay rights or gay marriage at some point. If it doesn't come up along the campaign trail, it will certainly come up during the presidential debates. After the enormous popularity (or should I say unpopularity) of his 'Strong' campaign ad, I'd say he may have said the wrong thing. To me, it has nothing to do with the fact that he doesn't gay marriage or that he doesn't see fighting for gay rights as a priority for the US. My problem comes from the fact that he uses this ad, in a way, to brush gay rights under the rug, dismissing it as if it were never a real problem.

This is why I don't think Rick Perry will be our next president. The issue here is not religion in schools or in the workplace or anywhere. The issue here is gay marriage and gay rights. I think that President Obama did a great thing in working so hard on repealing DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell). I think that he's been a huge help to many states lobbying for gay marriage. With America where it is today, I don't think that someone with such a negative opinion of gay rights will become president. Forget about Occupy protesters. We'll have a bigger problem on our hands.

I think that the candidate who can express their opinions without belittling entire populations of voters that vote will end up winning. The reality is that, in the last election, Obama got a country filled with young people to vote. These young voters are still voting, and they will definitely vote in this next election. The winner of the next election, I think, will be the person who can persuade the young people that their position is right. That they can lead this country with an open mind to the problems that Americans face. Gay marriage is definitely one of these issues that the next president will have to continue to address.

Again, I don't think Rick Perry's blatant anti-gay rights platform will win over the hearts of younger voters.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Updates on a friend, Jaleel

In case anyone knew him or was praying, keep praying! Jaleel, my friend who was in a rollover accident, is doing much better. He still has not woken up yet. His body is under a lot of stress. The doctors have been giving him good grades on his post-surgery recovery. He still has a lot of bruising on his body, and his brain is still swollen.

The real story has come out. Jaleel wasn't wearing a seat belt in the passenger seat. The boy who was driving was going 70 in a 35.... He was driving with a permit. He did wear his seat belt. This is why he left the hospital with a concussion and some bruises and scrapes. Not wearing a seat belt is why Jaleel is in the condition he is in. A seat belt could have saved him from his surgeries, from recovery, from brain damage.

We don't know what, if anything, will be a long-term challenge for him until he wakes up and starts to move around. I'm sure it will involve some physical therapy. Until a few days ago, they had no idea what was broken in his body because he wasn't stable enough to be given an x-ray!

If you knew him or have any questions or would like to make a donation to his family to help support his medical costs, please visit http://lovejaleel.webs.com or the Get Well Soon Jaleel page on Facebook. Your thoughts and prayers are welcome!

UPDATE: It came to my attention that I had been misinformed. Jaleel had been the driver, not his friend.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Expecting the Unexpected

Tonight, around 11 pm (if I have my facts right), a very close friend of my family was driving his car and got into a rollover accident. They rolled three times according to eyewitness accounts. He had one passenger in the car with him. He was ejected from the car through the front windshield, which makes me think he wasn't wearing a seat belt. They were both taken to the hospital, both sustaining very serious injuries.

From what I know from my family who is at the hospital for him, he was immediately taken into surgery for damage control. He suffered a lot of pancreatic damage. They removed part of his bowel and they inserted a shunt to relieve pressure to his brain. They told my dad that it didn't look good. He definitely suffered some heavy brain damage, but of course, no one will know how bad it is until he wakes up. They said his heart is strong, so he may live through this with some severe injuries to work through.

I just was caught so off guard. It was so late. His grandparents are in South Carolina dealing with one of his great-grandmother's health. They can't get a hold of his grandfather to even let him know what is going on with his grandson. His mother is there at the hospital and can't make any decisions for her son because the grandparents have the power of attorney. There are so many people waiting to see him and make sure that he's okay. My dad and sister are there waiting to see him and to be there for him. They've been talking to the doctors and nurses, trying to get information and be as helpful as possible. My dad has been calling his grand father over and over again. No answer, just voice mail. I'm just glad my sister and parents were contacted so that more people could be there for him.

I can't sleep just thinking about him. I watched him grow up! I met him as a baby. I watched him through some cub scouts, elementary school, junior high, high school... I know that he's made some bad decisions but he is really such a great kid. I have been praying non-stop that he wasn't drinking or smoking something. That he just lost control of his car on the ice, took a turn too fast or just couldn't stop at the light. I just hope he wasn't fighting with the other person in the car. I want it to all literally be a mistake, an accident. I want him to be fine and well. 

He wanted to badly to be in the military, and I worry that his chances to fulfill that dream are gone.

I'm worrying about his grandfather, too. His grandmother has early-onset Alzheimer's. His grandfather does a good job taking care of her. I just can't imagine how he will handle having to take care of her and take care of my friend. I am trying to just hope for the very best for him and for his family. I am hoping that the other person in the car is doing well also.

I'm doing a lot of praying tonight so that I can hopefully hear some good news and get some studying done tomorrow.

EDIT: Please note that at the time the author wrote this post she did not know that the car was not Jaleel's. It was a friend's car.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Finals Stress... Conquered (Mostly)!

I can't say that I ever rocked finals (unless they were in French). I remember stressing about each and every final. I just didn't know if what I was feeling was right. I didn't know how to study or what to study. I didn't feel like asking for help from anyone either. I just didn't have the thought. Even if I ever did, I just couldn't imagine asking anyone for that... admitting that I needed someone else to coach me through it. After several semesters, I never got the hang of it. It just got worse and worse to a point where studying just made me feel so anxious. I never felt like I could ever get ahead. On top of all of that, I had the stress of working and trying to earn money to live off of campus.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I made a big mistake in working so much during my first undergrad. I wanted so much to be independent and not rely on my parents. I just felt guilty all the time. I mean, at first it wasn't so bad. I worked a few hours and had some savings. Then, I blew through that and had to ask for gas money and oil change money. Then, I started working more, even taking two part-time jobs in the summer. During the school year, I felt like I was even more poor despite scraping together money from my summer jobs. Nothing really seemed to make ends meet. I hated that feeling of now knowing how to pay my bills, about looming educational debt, and what in HELL I was going to do with my life. I just started putting work over my education, and my education definitely suffered.

I just didn't know where I was going and what I was going to do.

Now that I'm back in school, something has just clicked. I just feel so confident. I am doing really well, and I study a lot. I have a lot of motivation to stay up late and to work hard.

I have a lot of guilt, justified or not, for not doing well in my undergrad. I mean, I still graduated, but I don't feel proud of myself. I don't feel like I gave a good impression of myself to my professors. I felt like I just became jaded at some point. I didn't know what to do. I think I just balled up my anxiety, and I must have been depressed or something at some point. I just couldn't do anything. It was so bad it took me two hours to read one paragraph. Forget writing papers because I couldn't get past the introductory paragraph.

I just have so much time now (from not working) to study. I can still do some relaxing and enjoy myself a little and not feel guilty about it. I get all of my work done, if not in advance!

Going into finals this year, I just feel like I'm in a good place. I feel confident about having time to study. I feel good about what I've learned. I've even already been preparing for my finals by reading back in my textbooks and practicing old material we learned in the beginning of the semester. A lot of things are clicking for me. I just feel good. I feel anxiety about doing well, but it's not overbearing. I feel like I can get through it and that I will do well.

Something has changed. I don't know exactly what, but I'm so glad that I've overcome the stress of finals.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Ditching the baby stuff....

For several months now, I've been thinking about how I was raised versus how my husband was raised. They say that people with similar backgrounds usually end up coming together and getting married because they can compliment each other better than people with very different backgrounds. They also say that opposites attract. I think that the two of us are a great pair that complement each other. We have a lot of similar thoughts and convictions, but we also have very different ones, as well.

The greatest example of this is a simple matter of choice. I am pro-choice. My husband is pro-life. We talked before we were married about this issue and what we would do if the situation arose. We didn't really get that far in the conversation (aside from assuring each other that we'd be open and honest and not make any rash decisions without informing one another first).

Another of these is how we will discipline our children. I am for spanking, and he is against. I was raised getting spanked for all kinds of things but never for everything. I was talked to and given warnings. I had time-outs and was grounded from things. I'll admit: I was not an easy child to raise. My husband grew up in a family where there was no spanking because one of his parents was spanked often as a child. Instead, his family deals with things as passively as possible, never directly confronting anyone about anything. They were appeased and allowed to do what they pleased and never really got into heaps of trouble (like my sister and I often did). We both turned out fine, I think... I just notice that my parents were disciplined for the most part in raising my sister and I, and his parents took a very cautious approach in making sure he was happy and carefree most of the time.

No Asian guilt in his white, Midwestern family. (Not that I'm guilty of anything).

Let's fast forward to right now...

We recently spent Thanksgiving with my husband's family in Nebraska. We stayed at his parents' house and got to spend a lot of time with our nephew (he's 3). Over the course of getting to know the family, I have really bonded with the little guy. I've watched him slowly progress from being in diapers as a baby to speaking and playing as a toddler. He's already working on potty training! It's so neat to be able to watch him grow and learn and become more and more mature and capable. I really cherish the moments I get to spend with him and teach him things (mostly good things).

The biggest downside of visiting and seeing my nephew is the drama that surrounds him...

For a few months now, my brother and sister-in-law have been trying to get him to ditch his bink. I support it. I should be choosing sides, but I already did months ago, so it's a little late now. He's old enough to talk and understand what you're saying and what he's saying. He knows when he's being told he can't do something and when to stop doing it (whether he does so or not). The battle has two fronts: baby and grandma. Convincing the little tike to give up the bink is a difficult task in itself. However, if the bink disappears one day and he doesn't see it for a while, he'll learn to cope without it and probably not ask for it very often over time. For a short time, this was the case. He didn't ask for the pacifier and didn't need it to sleep. However, at some point he went to grandma's and had them again all of a sudden.

Despite most efforts, binks disappear to God-knows-where, and Grandma just keeps buying more. Every time he asks for one, he gets not one but TWO! If he throws a fit, he gets a pacifier. If he is cranky, he gets a pacifier. If he is sleepy and tired, he gets a pacifier. If he's a bit obstinate, he gets a pacifier.

Noticing a trend yet??

From my point of view, it's time to let go of the baby stuff. He's almost out of diapers. Kids in kindergarten do not have bottles or binks (this is another problem for another time). He already doesn't pronounce certain letters that are difficult. Imagine trying to get him to make them with a pacifier in his mouth! Letters like J and R fall short when you've got something taking up 2/3 of your mouth. I worry about this a little because my husband had trouble with his Rs when he was little and had to have someone coach him into pronouncing them correctly. He had a bottle and a pacifier until he was 5 or 6 according to his mother...

Again.... Noticing a trend??

Whatever the reason is: grandma not being able to handle standing up to a 3 year old and setting him straight or her worrying he'll start putting other things in his mouth if he doesn't have a pacifier, it's time for the pacifier to say bye-bye and never come back. It is causing too much anxiety and worry for Mom and Dad and is not necessarily all that beneficial to our growing nephew.

Some of my worries in thinking about having a child in the near future have been centered around what my parents might do that I might not approve of or want for our child. I worry about what his parents will do to my child. I worry that I'll raise my baby to not know what candy and soda is and to not care for pacifiers or fingers only to have grandparents thwart all of our work and progress every time they visit.

Closing thought for the day: Let Mom and Dad be the parents and take a back seat, Grandparents. It's not your place.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Thinking about babies...

I have noticed a trend in my life... concerning television and babies. I know! I know... It's a strange topic for a barely 24 year old woman who just got married. I suppose I should explain the television part before you get confused!

I watch a variety of shows when I have time. Thank, God, for DVR, right? (I do every day). Here's a list of shows I have seen recently that featured a story line related to having, raising and protecting children:

  • Grey's Anatomy
  • Private Practice
  • Giuliana & Bill
  • The Little Couple
  • The Millionaire Matchmaker
  • House
  • Up All Night
  • Harry's Law
  • The Secret Circle
  • Hoarders
The list is much longer, but this is about all I can remember at the moment. It's a lot all at once. Couple this will the number of friends I have who have or will be having children. It makes me want to start my own family while I'm young!

Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, and Giuliana & Bill all have shown scenes where a woman has waited too long to try to conceive and/or they are incapable of having children because of fertility. While the trend for my generation is to get married later and have children even later than that, I feel that this is the reason why we hear so many stories about infertility. Many women wait way past their ripe child-bearing years to even begin to think about children.

To be perfectly honest, I never thought I'd ever have children. The thought repulsed me in some ways. I think a lot of this had to do with the people I dated and spent time with. I never felt like having a baby would be a secure or logical thing to proceed to with those people. I had one serious boyfriend that hated the thought of children. Because I loved him so much and wasn't too attached to the idea, I abandoned it and told myself that children would never happen for me. It just wasn't in my life plan. 

Now that I have moved on from that man and found my wonderful husband, all I do is think about making a family with him. I so enjoy his company and our time to be a couple. I can't help but want to see the little faces we'll have greeting us every day. Everyone says that marriage is that last step...

It's not.

Marriage is almost like the first step. After that first step, we have to constantly work at respecting each other and treating one another as if it were the very last moments we were going to have together. We're grown a lot together since we moved in together and more still since we've been married. The next step is to have children. It starts with just one (or more if we're lucky). It's a lifetime commitment to share our lives with a new person that we're able to bring into the world.

I want to take the step before there are complications with age or infertility. I want to get myself healthy and strong so that I can give myself a better chance of a good pregnancy.

I think, maybe sometime in my future, I'll be having a baby. It's not today and definitely not in 9 months. I cannot wait until the moment comes, though.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Stimulating the Economy with parking meters?!


I have lived in Denver for about two years now. After starting this school year heading downtown for classes, I have used public transportation, carpools and my own car. The biggest contributor to the diminishing balance in my checking account has been parking.

I have over 6 hours of class in the afternoon and evenings Monday through Friday. I usually park in one of the campus garages. I usually pay $7.60 to $8.00 for the day depending on when I get my car out of the garage. I have been contemplating parking at a meter but the limit is two hours and I wouldn't always have time to move my car or re-feed the meters.

A friend of mine parks at the meter all of the time because she only has to park for two to three hours tops.

In the parking garage, I pay more money to park all day with no threat of tickets. She parks at the meter to spend less and hope she doesn't run out of time and get a ticket.

Let's take a second to think about the parking meters. The majority of meters are now cash or credit. You can add change or swipe your card to add time. If someone has left time on the meter, you can only pay up to 2 hours of time. If not, you could pay some extra time over 2 hours within reason. When we pay, we sometimes see that credit cards allow only 2 hours and change allows a few minutes over.

Back to the economic stimulation... Wouldn't it be prudent to program the meters to allow you to park as long as you want given you swiped your card?? It would just continuously charge you to park there, like at a garage. The way I see it, it would be an incentive to be able to park for more time with your credit card instead of worrying about making it back to your car and getting a ticket. I would be more inclined to spend more time downtown shopping and eating if I knew I had more time and little threat of getting a fine for not being back at the meter in time. Let's not forget the money I would spend on gas and car maintenance for driving more when going downtown versus taking the city bus.

Simple conveniences like this won't reset our economy, but they do encourage local spending.

Does anyone else have thoughts on this or other minor inconveniences that would make you more inclined to stimulate the economy?

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Kim Kardashian's Marriage a Sham? Or a human mistake?

I, like many others, have been long time Kardashian fans since the beginning of their show on E!, Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Since then, they have sprouted several shows and appearances, seeing huge career boosts... every person in the family included. All this from one starter season and the success of their clothing stores.

While the the Kardashians are known for getting into trouble with each other and causing one another heartache over virtually nothing, I have always thought that they reminded me of a regular family. The money plays a part, but in essense, they are like any other American family struggling to raise teenagers, to be better people. They each suffer low self-esteem, pressures from each other and the world, body issues, peer pressure... You name it! For this, I have been really thankful. It makes me feel sane sometimes to see people without the mundane worries about paying rent and getting an hourly wage have the same problems that I have personally and socially.

Recently, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries married with a lavish ceremony, the experience taped for viewers. What Kim and Kris went through doesn't surprise me. My husband and I had similar arguments and problems planning our own wedding. We also didn't have the media attention that Kim and Kris do.

The one thing my husband and I had over Kim and Kris is time spent building a firm foundation for our relationship. We still work through day-to-day problems that arise, but we work hard at making each other feel good about ourselves personally and together. While Kris seems like a fairly grounded and mature man, he acted quite immaturely at times with Kim concerning the wedding. I saw warning signs in the show when the family went on their trip to Tahiti. The producers of the show ultimately decide how people are spun. They can make them each look mean or innocent based on cuts and background music. They can stage events if they need to and re-shoot them. I think Kim and Kris were pretty accurately portrayed, though. You can't change your personality and reactions, especially when we know Kim and Kris aren't seasoned, award-winning actors.

At first, I was a little upset for no real reason because they entered in a huge production of a wedding to join together their families and then file divorce after 70 odd days "together." This means there was little to no commitment to the marriage. If you marry someone and divorce them after less than a year, it's obvious you didn't spend much time really getting to know and appreciate each other. In reality, they may have spent the better part of a year dating and being engaged, but they hadn't spent real time together. They probably saw each other for a few hours to a few days separated by a week or so. When I dated my husband, we saw each other or talked every single day. When we were studying abroad, we video chatted and spoke on the phone several times a day. We made every effort to be committed and honest with each other from the very beginning. I think this is what makes us appreciate each other so much: honesty and trust.

None of us were there. None of us knew the relationship they had, even if it WAS portrayed on TV. I think that although Kim and Kris are done, they are a reflection of our society. They really do portray how we view marriage and commitment. JLo has been marrying and divorcing in short spurts for years and no one has ever blamed her for killing the sanctity of marriage. I think people should lay off Kim and Kris. While statements say that Kris had no idea about the divorce, we can never really know. There are things that happen in private between two people in a relationship that no one sees or knows about.

I think it's time for the world to really evaluate their own relationships. Don't blame someone else for cheapening marriage when we all contribute in a way. We tell our friends to just leave him because it has been too long. We don't support them in the fight for their marriage. We encourage people to be happy for themselves without encouraging them to fight for the happiness in their marriage. I'm not saying that "irreconcilable differences" don't exist. I'm simply saying that we all really encourage an individual's happiness over the happiness of the other person involved. It's a relationship, not a business agreement.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Biggest Mistakes I Made During Undergrad

Almost six years ago, I started my undergraduate experience at Concordia College in Moorhead, Minnesota. There is not one experience I would change because I think it all ultimately led to meeting and marrying my husband. The bonfires, weekend parties at Hannan's house, hair dying parties, drama, choir tours, and the late nights with friends were all worth it. I had such a great experience that the only thing I regret is not doing more and not spending more time with my friends my senior year.

Now that I have graduated and am working on my second bachelor's degree, I have started to see the mistakes I made with my learning and the false assumptions I made.

1. Professors don't care if I succeed or fail (but they'd rather I do well). I used to have a lot of anxiety about missing a class or turning something in unfinished when I had no reason to be. The pressures I felt were all self-induced and largely unwarranted.

2. Education is every bit what you put into it. I have always known this, but why I lacked before was trust and faith in myself that I could do well and be successful, that I could do well and didn't have to worry about being the best or the brightest (even though that would be a nice bonus).

3. Socialization is an important aspect of the undergraduate experience but it shouldn't outweigh the real reason the undergraduate experience exists: EDUCATION. I spent a lot of time being worried about spending too little time with close friends or about the week's drama surrounding my friends. I realized how socially sensitive I was and how it really took away from my academic focus. I started to care less about school and more about the relationships in my life.

I hope that anyone starting their undergrad experience takes note. It's supposed to be a new experience that is both fun and exciting. Don't get caught up in the experience, though. It's about your future and your education.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

VEHICLES MUST YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS | IT'S THE LAW!!!!

About two weeks ago, I was nearly hit by an RTD bus on the corner of 2nd Place and Union in Lakewood, Colorado. Just to make sure that I was in the right, I asked my bus driver who had the right of way. He described several scenarios to me where a bus driver or other vehicle could drive in front of a pedestrian. He emphasized that, in any scenario, if a pedestrian crosses the median on a two-lane road, he MUST WAIT for the pedestrian to finish crossing. He also emphasized that this is the rule and LAW for any vehicle, whether it be a car, bus, truck, semi or motorcycle. Any vehicle must yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk.

Fast forward to tonight... I was crossing using a crosswalk at the corner of 9th and Auraria in LoDo right next to the Auraria Campus. I had started crossing and almost got to the median when a car making a left-hand turn had to slam on its brakes to avoid hitting me because he didn't see me in the crosswalk. I was wearing a hot pink North Face jacket and was walking in the middle of the crosswalk at a well-lit intersection.

The most important thing the bus driver from before told me is that if you hit a pedestrian with your car, you automatically are at fault with almost no excuse otherwise. There is NO EXCUSE to hit a pedestrian because the pedestrian always has the right of way.

I'm not sure how many times I need to be nearly hit by a car and yelled at as if it were my fault when I'm following the pedestrian crossing laws and the vehicles aren't following traffic laws.

The next time you're at an intersection with a crosswalk, YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS! If you don't, you may end up hitting someone or worse, killing someone. If you do, it's manslaughter. Waiting a few seconds for a pedestrian to safely cross can potentially save a life and save you from heavy fines and life in a jail cell.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Deceiving Professors

Having spent four years earning a BA and this year working on prerequisites for an accelerated nursing program, I have had my fair share of all kinds of professors. I have had professors that spoon feed information like we're too dumb to learn any part of the course on our own. I had professors that barely taught and forced students to teach themselves everything, reducing the professor to a test proctor and assignment grader (if there were even assignments). I've also had a fair share of professors that made us read the book for tests but lectured on NOTHING IN THE BOOK. It's frustrating to be a student, especially in a country where education is moving farther and farther away from uniformity. What you learn in one school may be completely different from another! This varies from state to state, county to county and school to school (sometimes even in the same district).

I have gotten halfway through this semester and done pretty well. However, I have noticed that despite the stellar grades and the confidence in learning the material, I find that the stress I feel comes during homework assignments and, especially, during/after test. You may say that this is a normal feel, warranted because there is something on the line for me. I disagree, though. The reason I feel so uneasy at those specific times is because I have a very deceiving professor.

Deceiving professors are the ones that give you homework assignments with incredibly difficult problems to work through (even if they turn out to be easy once you understand how to solve it), tell you some of those problems will show up on the test, and then omit any questions like them on the test.

Walking out of my Chemistry test today, I found myself worrying that I had skipped a page or that I set up the problems that I found easy incorrectly. A friend in the class had the same thoughts during the test (a girl next to her also spilled coffee on her test). I don't have a lot of test anxiety most of the time. Today was no exception. My friend, however, told me that she almost didn't even feel like working on the last three problems of the test because she was so confused and overwhelmed. Why did she feel this way?

She felt that way because our professor led us to believe that the problems that caused us so much stress to solve on the homework, that she told us would show up on the test, never appeared. Instead, there was a slew of problems on the test that made only ONE appearance on the previous assignments and group problems.

While this particular professor does a great job of teaching the material and helping us understand it, I don't think she understands that her tests don't follow what she's telling us we're supposed to be prepared for on the test. On one hand, if we can solve the hardest problems before the test, we should be able to handle anything she serves us on the exam. On the other hand, we prepare and stress out about seeing the hard problems on the test and become paranoid that we aren't doing certain simpler problems correctly when the hard problems make no appearance on the test at all.

This is what I like to call a gift and a curse.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

So a chicken crosses a road...

Every day, I walk to the park and ride near my apartment community. There are two intersections with lights and crosswalks on the route. Most days, I cross and get to my gate to board the bus downtown for class on time with no problems. Unfortunately, I ha a very big hiccup about a week ago that prompted me to help my fellow passengers of public transportation in and around Denver.

Around 2:41pm on that day, I was waiting At the second light on my journey. It sits at the intersection of 2nd Place and Union in Lakewood. I pushed the button for the crosswalk and waited. When the little man on the sign lit up, I started to cross. After passing the median (there are two lanes going either direction at the intersection), a large semi (part of the park and ride construction) passed in front of me with time. Then, one of the RTD buses started turning and slammed its brakes right before he hit me. He honked, waved his arms, flipped me off and yelled at me before he just decided to turn. I had to walk around the bus as it turned, out of the crosswalk, and reached the sidewalk (FINALLY) right after the timer ran out. Luckily for the driver, I didn't get hit and no other car hit me as a result of his actions.

Fired up from this encounter, I walked straight to my gate to catch my bus. When I boarded, I was curious about the RTD policy for drivers concerning the right of way for pedestrians. According to my driver, all vehicles (bus or otherwise) have to yield to pedestrians in a crosswalk. The caveat is that cars can turn while pedestrians are crossing if the pedestrian has not crossed the median in the road before the vehicle wants to turn. If the pedestrian has crossed into a lane after passing the median, an RTD must stop and wait for the pedestrian to finish crossing before turning. The driver also told me that he had no idea why the driver would be in such a hurry to turn when the lights switch back within 3 minutes on average.

Given this information, I reported the driver with RTD. I'm not looking to get him fired, but I do want him to know the law. Preventing a potentially life-threatening situation is goal because no commuter using public transit should worry about losing their life. Our only worry should be missing our bus.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Primal Defense: Day Two

Having taken one pill, I am not completely cured but I can tell it's doing the job. I'm not having the same problems (and not different ones). I have been impressed by its performance, though.

My husband has taken it and has also seen great results. This makes me feel good about possible future results. I'm definitely going to be keeping an eye on how this probiotic functions.

More to come later!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Probiotics and my body

Back in January (2011), I was diagnosed with a bad chest cold that was later renamed pneumonia. Then, I found I might have had whooping cough because nothing my doctor gave me seemed to work. While I'm healthy now, I still suffer a lot from digestive issues as a result of the five antibiotics I took while they were trying to make me feel better.

I was originally told to take Align or Culturelle (probiotics) to help combat the loss of the helpful bacteria in my digestive tract. I'm here to tell you that while probiotics may be helpful for everyday irregularity, they have not helped me at all.

My husband visited a natural grocer today and talked with a nutritionist who suggested taking Primal Defense based on her personal experience. She said that it includes several different live cultures, not just one like the others).

I took my very first pill today, so I'm hoping to see the results that the nutritionist had. I'll be reporting my results and other random and manic musings as they arise in my life.

Thanks for reading!