Finals Stress... Conquered (Mostly)!

I can't say that I ever rocked finals (unless they were in French). I remember stressing about each and every final. I just didn't know if what I was feeling was right. I didn't know how to study or what to study. I didn't feel like asking for help from anyone either. I just didn't have the thought. Even if I ever did, I just couldn't imagine asking anyone for that... admitting that I needed someone else to coach me through it. After several semesters, I never got the hang of it. It just got worse and worse to a point where studying just made me feel so anxious. I never felt like I could ever get ahead. On top of all of that, I had the stress of working and trying to earn money to live off of campus.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I made a big mistake in working so much during my first undergrad. I wanted so much to be independent and not rely on my parents. I just felt guilty all the time. I mean, at first it wasn't so bad. I worked a few hours and had some savings. Then, I blew through that and had to ask for gas money and oil change money. Then, I started working more, even taking two part-time jobs in the summer. During the school year, I felt like I was even more poor despite scraping together money from my summer jobs. Nothing really seemed to make ends meet. I hated that feeling of now knowing how to pay my bills, about looming educational debt, and what in HELL I was going to do with my life. I just started putting work over my education, and my education definitely suffered.

I just didn't know where I was going and what I was going to do.

Now that I'm back in school, something has just clicked. I just feel so confident. I am doing really well, and I study a lot. I have a lot of motivation to stay up late and to work hard.

I have a lot of guilt, justified or not, for not doing well in my undergrad. I mean, I still graduated, but I don't feel proud of myself. I don't feel like I gave a good impression of myself to my professors. I felt like I just became jaded at some point. I didn't know what to do. I think I just balled up my anxiety, and I must have been depressed or something at some point. I just couldn't do anything. It was so bad it took me two hours to read one paragraph. Forget writing papers because I couldn't get past the introductory paragraph.

I just have so much time now (from not working) to study. I can still do some relaxing and enjoy myself a little and not feel guilty about it. I get all of my work done, if not in advance!

Going into finals this year, I just feel like I'm in a good place. I feel confident about having time to study. I feel good about what I've learned. I've even already been preparing for my finals by reading back in my textbooks and practicing old material we learned in the beginning of the semester. A lot of things are clicking for me. I just feel good. I feel anxiety about doing well, but it's not overbearing. I feel like I can get through it and that I will do well.

Something has changed. I don't know exactly what, but I'm so glad that I've overcome the stress of finals.

Biggest Mistakes I Made During Undergrad

Almost six years ago, I started my undergraduate experience at Concordia College in Moorhead, Minnesota. There is not one experience I would change because I think it all ultimately led to meeting and marrying my husband. The bonfires, weekend parties at Hannan's house, hair dying parties, drama, choir tours, and the late nights with friends were all worth it. I had such a great experience that the only thing I regret is not doing more and not spending more time with my friends my senior year.

Now that I have graduated and am working on my second bachelor's degree, I have started to see the mistakes I made with my learning and the false assumptions I made.

1. Professors don't care if I succeed or fail (but they'd rather I do well). I used to have a lot of anxiety about missing a class or turning something in unfinished when I had no reason to be. The pressures I felt were all self-induced and largely unwarranted.

2. Education is every bit what you put into it. I have always known this, but why I lacked before was trust and faith in myself that I could do well and be successful, that I could do well and didn't have to worry about being the best or the brightest (even though that would be a nice bonus).

3. Socialization is an important aspect of the undergraduate experience but it shouldn't outweigh the real reason the undergraduate experience exists: EDUCATION. I spent a lot of time being worried about spending too little time with close friends or about the week's drama surrounding my friends. I realized how socially sensitive I was and how it really took away from my academic focus. I started to care less about school and more about the relationships in my life.

I hope that anyone starting their undergrad experience takes note. It's supposed to be a new experience that is both fun and exciting. Don't get caught up in the experience, though. It's about your future and your education.